Intro
Prior to her last album <COPING MECHANISM> which I absolutely loved, I had only really enjoyed the occasional song that Willow released. Songs like “Wait a Minute!” from her debut studio album Ardipithecus, and some intermittent musical moments from her self-titled project. It wasn’t until her more recent explorations into the rock genre on Lately, I feel Everything that I really started to pay attention and anticipate future releases from her. I have always loved Willow’s voice, and its ability to convey so much range, power, and emotion, and her switch into genres and songs that utilize these strengths was a great choice.
As I mentioned before, <COPING MECHANISM> is my favorite Willow album to date. It probably remains so for reasons I will get into a bit later, but the major reason why it holds this position is that it was the first project of hers that I feel best utilized her explosive and emotive vocals, as well as some of her best song and melody writing so far. Songs like "curious/furious", "hover like a GODDESS", and "No Control", that are still in my heavy rotation today and that I feel really marked her coming into her own as a musician and artist.
In empathogen, I feel like these elements of Willow’s music have only seen more care and creativity. While I have a lot of love for <COPING MECHANISM>, I understand some sentiments that it is perhaps too derivative in its sound, particularly of bands like Paramore. empathogen subsequently feels much more like Willow channeling these previous experiences and influences to convey her musical ideas, and stepping more into her own creatively. Producing songs with much more intricate instrumentation like one of the leading singles from this project “b i g f e e l i n g s”, more varied and unorthodox song structures, and more consistent vocal experimentation from tracks like “run!” and “false self”.
As far as substance goes, this album (as is the case with much of Willow’s music) is about the feeeeeeelllsssss. Longtime knowers of me will most likely also know that I am a man who is very deeply into feelings, and the big and small ways that they affect individuals and the world. This album is all about the ubiquity and inevitability of emotions. It captures that feeling of sitting still until you become aware of all the emotions bouncing around in your heart: the muted fears, the anxious ponderings, and combustive release that they culminate into. As you progress through from chamber to chamber, from song to song, the album performs a catharsis of these specific conflicts within Willow.
While that may seem like a pretty dark listening experience, in practice it is a fairly bright and uplifting album to listen to. Between the sunny instrumentation and the framing and sequencing of the album, it is clear that the exploration of these volatile emotions is a liberating act for Willow, rather than a morbid journey. The opening track of the album home(feat. Jon Batiste) is a great example of this, starting with the lyrics
“I love everything.
I live my life in a river of grace
I trust this river to carry me home”
Willow; home (feat. Jon Batiste); empathogen
All laid over a bed of airy, angelic hums, faint screams and emotive vocalizations from Willow peering through in the background, and a rapid, fleet-footed piano passage from Jon Batiste. This contrast between the light but anxious rambling of the piano, the charged background screams, and the lyrics in this first track establishes this balance of anguish and relief that can only result from exploring oneself emotionally, and it sets the tone for the rest of the album.
This album is the flash of fear and adrenaline you feel when confronting what has haunted you, followed by the light-headed euphoria of realizing that you survived it.
My Favorite Songs
I am including this section because I am working on crafting a relatively standardized structure for these reviews, and this is a section that I want to keep going forward, but for this album I would actually strongly recommend just listening to it all the way through. This album is very much made to be listened to as a single body of work, as songs like Ancient Girl, down, and no words 1 & 2, are more like interludes, but contribute well to the overall atmosphere and sound of the album. It is only 12 songs and 32 minutes, and later I will be listing some settings to be in or things you might want to do while listening to this album. With that said, these are the best songs from this album, in order of how they appear on the album.
Track 1 - home (feat jon batiste)
Really nice opening to the album, setting up not only the album’s metaphorical approach, but its sonic approach as well. The words on this track are few, but impactful, and sung with an aching timbre that shows Willow's embrace of life and the experience of humanity. Her existence is in concert with a certain chaos she is courting rather than in spite of it.
Willow; "home (feat. Jon Batiste)"; empathogen
Track 3 - symptom of life
This song is one that I feel fully embodies the oxymoronic state of being that this album attempts to convey to its audience. In the second verse of the song, Willow sings
“Pushing and peeling the layers that cover my mind
Looking into the shadow, now I notice the light
Magic is real, when you see it inside, you decide”
Willow; "symptom of life" ; empathogen
Which is a distillation of the central themes and emotions of this track. In the first line, we see the self-examination that is threaded through the entire album, followed immediately by a line that highlights the struggle and resulting contrast that emerges from such self-exploration.
Every human is a complicated bundle of contradiction, hypocrisy, and nuance, and as an album that seeks to examine the human condition, particularly in the way we interact with emotions, this song does a great job of capturing this dynamic. Even the title of the song is an adherence to this, as it references a lines from the chorus of the song in which Willow states
”Feast my eyes on lower things while bеauty is a symptom of life
Gotta decide if I'm gonna see it, why?
Fеast our eyes on lower things when suffering is craving the light
Gotta decide how we're gonna heal it, why?”
Willow; "symptom of life"; empathogen
Which reflects this acknowledgement of the draw that the negative aspects of life has on us, but also enforces the fact that beauty is not incidental in life and rather an inherent part of it.
This beauty is not merely a cosmetic one either, it is the inescapable beauty that emerges from the complexity of life. Binaries often represent opposing forces, but they also indicate an inseparable connection between the two concepts being compared. Much like the binary that Willow mentions here, that of light and dark, one concept can’t exist independent of the other, and they often enhance the other. This is also true for the metaphorical layer that this line indicates towards, where happiness and sadness inform and enhance our experience of each emotion. Beauty is a symptom of life not despite our struggles, but because of them.
Track 4 - fear is not real
Where “symptom of life '' encapsulates Willow’s perspective on the nature of life, “fear is not real” is an acknowledgement of what that experience actually feels like. While I fully stand by my assessment of sadness and happiness being inextricably linked, as well as the objective beauty in that, the subjective experience of this reality is not as romantic as it sounds on paper.
This song is the self-reminder to not get swallowed up by the force of the negative emotions that we experience, that can often overtake our entire worldview when we are in the midst of that sadness. Put most concisely, Willow sings
“In the silence I can hear inside my mind
In the silence I can't wear my disguise”
Willow; "fear is not real" ; empathogen
These two lines capture the inescapability of self. While this album is an exploration of emotions, it often almost seems as if it's an exploration that emerges from a compulsion brought upon the fact that there is no other option but to deal with these emotions before they take over. There is a reluctance and trepidation to the acknowledgements of these truths.
It is one thing to realize you are wearing a disguise, and another entirely to attempt to get under or remove it. Masks and disguises are often things we build as defense mechanisms, and that provide a sense of comfort or safety for us. It is in this same manner that fear operates, often looming as a far greater obstacle than the reality of the thing we fear, but that fear is a mask that allows us to feel safe and comfortable in avoiding what we view as a threat. There is a genuine and practical purpose to fear, but a vast majority of the fear we experience on a regular basis is a reflection of our own imagination and need for safety, which, in the case of emotions and self-reflection, can often stunt our growth. This is emphasized by the line later in the song when she says
“Never wanna let me fall to pieces
But it's funny, 'cause I think I need it”
Willow; "fear is not real" ; empathogen
I have an strong attachment to particular moments of intense sadness and existential crises from my past because I have always left those spaces with some lesson learned about myself that has been critical to my growth into the person I am today. Had I had the choice at the time to avoid those moments, I probably would’ve at least attempted to avoid them, despite knowing the purpose they would ultimately serve me. This conflict between the desire of comfort and the necessity of turmoil is what I feel this song attempts to convey.
Track 5 - false self (current favorite)
This is my favorite song on the album, and one that continues the theme of self-dissection and assessment. It is the song that I also feel expounds the most on this sense of chaotic confliction that underlines the entire album. This is concisely expressed in the chorus of the song
“I-I wanna crash, feel so attacked
On a mad dash in my own brain
I'm so attached, I'm so detached
Yeah, I don't know, it's all the same
Am I insane? Oh
Feel the answer change each day
Oh-oh
Feel the answer change, I don't wanna change
But I need to change
Feel the answer change, I don't wanna change
But I need to change
How do I need to change? Ask myself the same every day
Oh-oh-oh”
Willow; "false self" ; empathogen
This quote is longer than the rest that I've included in this review, and I ultimately chose to include the entire chorus because I feel that showing it in its entirety fully communicates the journey of conflict and indecision that Willow is consumed by on this track.
The beginning lines of the chorus sound almost self-destructive, but I personally feel that they reflect the sensation of critical/harsh self-examination very accurately. When what you are fighting against is your thoughts and state of being, there are inevitably feelings of frustration and anger that have no other place to be directed but inward. This frustration is echoed in the rapid chant of “feel the answer change, I don’t want to change, but I need to change” showing a knowledge of what must be done wrapped in a deep reluctance to make those changes.
Track 6 - pain for fun (feat. st vincent)
This is one of the most haunting songs on the album, between the ghostly vocals from Willow and St. Vincent and the candy-coated, melancholic lyrics. In many ways, this track is a continuation of the previous one. Where she identifies her mask in “false self”, in this track she demonstrates how that persona plays out in front of us. From the repeated chants of “There's always and always and always and always a need” to the verbal irony created in the chorus
“I'm so close to tears
I'm biting, holding back
I'm so happy, I could break down and cry
Break down and cry
So alone and so at home
So alone and so at home”
Willow; "pain for fun"; empathogen
In many ways, these are the mantras that we tend to tell ourselves when we are attempting to gaslight ourselves into feeling better or when we are seeking to ignore the darker and less pleasant parts of ourselves. This chorus also keeps to the motif of binaries and contradiction that makes up much of this album’s identity.
The structure of this song also progresses the emotional journey of this album, advancing from the first forays of self-examination on tracks like “symptom of life” and “the fear is not real” into a haunted realization as these realities begin to settle into your bones. All the punchy energy from the previous track has now drained, and Willow engages in a pragmatic assessment of self. Where “false self” basks in the complex feeling of elation that follows major personal discovery, “pain for fun” is the sobering moment of frustration that follows when you realize that as hard as that step was, it was only the first one, and it is one that revealed a truth about yourself that you had been protecting yourself from.
Despite the surrender that marks the mood of this track, it still contains a moment of climax in the third verse where she cries out
“Always wanting something, yearning
Feel indifferent, undeserving
What am I, what am I now?
And if I catch a glimpse of you while I hide
Will you walk away from me and kill my pride?
It's fine 'cause I feel this pain for fun”
Willow; "pain for fun"; empathogen
When listening to this portion of the song, Willow’s cadence speeds up and her voice grows more strained as she rattles off the various inadequacies she feels plague her, all punctuated at the end by a forced bravado in the last line. Though the energy increases in this final verse, it reflects a heightening of bitterness which is punctuated at the end by a sudden softening in tone, showing Willow’s sense of exasperation being maintained for the entirety of this track.
Track 9 - run!
Where we see the anger and frustration that is building on “pain for fun” this track is the stage of panic that sets in once that frustration has built until there is nowhere for it to go but to explode outward. It is the moment where you feel that you might drown beneath that truth that you had been avoiding for so long. Willow communicates this feeling of claustrophobia and panic through the wailing of “I can’t get out!” signifying a need to escape from her own self, and the inability of her to do so. In the lyrics, we can see a level of defeat that begins to creep into the tone, progressing from an acknowledgement of what is wrong to an expectation to fall prey to it. We can see this in the first verse of the song
“Stop looking at me as if I'm your friend
And please stop talking to me like I'll let you in
With every breath that I take, I spiral around and around
And then down and I'm not ever fighting back
Against the intrusive thoughts, clarity can't be bought
Oh no, I won't get out
I won't get, I won't get”
Willow; "run!"; empathogen
Willow displays the emotional rollercoaster that this conflict is bringing upon her, as well as a capitulation to them. Where the tension of the previous tracks is built by a conflict between Willow’s emotions and her attempts at processing them and their complexities, this tension of this track is maintained purely by her revelation that she is at their mercy and always will be.
Track 10 - between i and she
It is at this point of the album that we begin to see Willow begin to have a breakthrough in her struggle against her emotions. Moving forward from the panic on “run!” this track represents a moment of acceptance for Willow, reflected in the title of this track. This sense of binaries, division, and contradiction that has been stressed upon throughout the album now culminates into the reconciliation for Willow between all her conflicting sides. This is particularly clear in the song’s opening lines, where Willow sings
“Sometimes, I don't wanna try
To calm the chaos inside
And I just let out a sigh, I just sigh
Don't know why, but it feels right
Flowing free like the sea
I can just sit here and be
And only listen to me, it's just me
In this moment of the purest devotion”
Willow; "between i and she"; empathogen
Gone now are the lyrics about being unable to sit still with herself or resist her intrusive thoughts. Also gone is the nihilism or anxiety that she expressed about her inability to exert perfect control over these aspects of her being. Now we see a Willow who is much more comfortable with herself and the way she processes emotions. This is further highlighted when she says
“Palms to the earth because I feel her breathe
Syncing to a rhythm between I and she
It's the perfect dеsign”
Willow; "between i and she"; empathogen
Showing an explicit peace between the two sides of her. No longer are these emotions discussed as an invading force in her mind, but rather as an acknowledgment of another side to herself, and the reconciliation of the two into a symbiotic unity.
Track 12 - b i g f e e l i n g s
“b i g f e e l i n g s” is a great closing track to wrap up the emotional journey that is detailed throughout this album. Rather than a happy ending, it is a realistic one. The acceptance of self gained from the track “between i and she” doesn’t result in the resolution of Willow’s struggle with emotion, but rather it represents an important shift from self-denial to self-acceptance, the first step to true emotional regulation. The journey of this album is essentially told through the chorus, first verse, and refrain of the song
“[Verse 1]
I know I'm not fine
But yes, I say I'm fine
I know I'm not fine
But yes, I say
[Chorus]
I have such big feelings
Can't shut 'em down or let 'em out
I have such big feelings
Can't shut 'em down without a sound
[Refrain]
Acceptance is the key
Acceptance gives me wings
Acceptance is the key
Acceptance gives me wings
Willow; “b i g f e e l i n g s”; empathogen
Altogether, this song serves almost as a conclusion of a paper, summarizing the main points of the album and stating where the revelations of her journey has led her.
The first verse expresses Willow’s first examinations of self that is reflected in the album’s earlier tracks. In the chorus, we can see the frightening revelations that Willow faces amid the album, struggling under the weight of the revelations she experienced, and the inescapability of her emotions. Finally, in the refrain we see the answers that Willow encountered at the end of this journey, that self-acceptance is the key to peace because there is no escaping the self.
Conclusion
Part of me is scared to include this “conclusion” aspect to my review formats because it was always one of the more difficult aspects of essay writing for me to get comfortable with, but ultimately I think it's useful so I will endeavor to do it.
I love the title of this album and I think it markets Willow’s approach to the music on it very well. Every song takes the listener through an exploration of a different emotion or existential musing, communicated through both lyrics and instrumentation, and often through a contrast between the two. Much like the phrase “catching feelings”, empathogen embodies the reluctant inescapability of intense emotional moments as well as their omnipresence. There is a controlled chaos to the album that is able to capture the volatility of emotions balanced against the pragmatism of the mind, and the progression of the album reflects the emotional progression that often accompanies a journey of self-discovery. Great project!
Where I’d Recommend Listening to this Album
Where I feel that <COPING MECHANISM> was a great album to listen to in the Fall as it stayed fairly melancholy and dark in both its lyrics and instrumentation, I think this album was released at a great time because it very much matches the late Spring/early Summer atmosphere! Here are some places that I either have or would enjoy listening to this album at.
At a picnic
Self-reflective writing in a sunny place
Saturday morning cleaning with sun shining through the blinds.
Sitting alone by a quiet lake
In your headphones at a farmer’s market
In the proximity of incense
A relaxing walk through a lepidopterarium
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Small easter egg of me purchasing the Vinyl for it earlier this month!
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